If you’re the parent of a teenager, you probably know this dance by heart:
You ask, “How was school?” and get the same, perfectly vague, one-word response — “Fine.”
Just fine.
No follow-up, no details, no hints of the drama, laughter, or chaos that clearly unfolded that day. It’s like they’ve locked every story behind a vault marked TOP SECRET, and you’ve somehow lost the combination.
But don’t worry — there are ways to get past “fine” without turning into an interrogator. It just takes a bit of strategy, humour, and the right timing.
Why Teens Give One-Word Answers
1. They’re tired.
School is a full-time mental marathon. Between teachers, friends, group chats, and deadlines, your teen’s social and emotional energy is usually running on empty by the time they get home.
2. They want privacy.
Teenagers are learning independence — and that includes choosing what they share. Sometimes they need to process before they talk, and that’s okay.
3. They’re testing boundaries.
Short answers can be a subtle way of saying, “I’m in control of this conversation.” It’s not defiance; it’s self-definition.
4. Timing is everything.
You might be bursting with questions the minute they walk in the door, but that’s when their brain is screaming for food, quiet, and a scroll through their phone.
Strategies That Work
1. Ask Better Questions
Skip the standard “How was school?” and get creative.
Try:
“If your day was a playlist, what song would be on repeat?”
“What made you laugh today?”
“What was the weirdest thing that happened?”
“If you could re-do one thing from today, what would it be?”
Specific or funny questions are harder to dodge — and much more fun to answer.
“Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.” – Anonymous
2. Pick Your Moments Wisely
The best conversations often happen when you least expect them — in the car, during a late-night snack raid, or while folding laundry together.
There’s something about not making direct eye contact that helps teens open up.
3. Share Your Own Stories
Instead of expecting them to open up first, lead the way.
“Today I accidentally called my boss ‘Mom.’”
“Guess who got locked out of their car at the shops?”
When you make yourself a little vulnerable, they’re more likely to match your openness — and it shows that conversation doesn’t always have to be serious to be meaningful.
4. Use Humour (and a Bit of Theatrical Flair)
When they say “fine,” respond with a grin:
“Ah, so you solved world peace and still made it to maths on time?”
You’ll probably get an eye roll — but also a smirk. That’s a win. Humour takes the edge off and opens the door for more natural chatting.
5. Try the “Three Moments” Rule
Ask for just three small things:
One good thing.
One not-so-great thing.
One random or funny thing.
This format gives structure without pressure — and soon, you’ll find the stories start flowing on their own.
6. Embrace Silence
Sometimes, your teen just isn’t ready to talk — and pushing too hard only makes them retreat further.
If they’re quiet, sit with it. Ask again later. A calm, non-judgmental presence can say, “I’m here when you’re ready.”
7. Create Rituals
Make connection part of your routine. Maybe it’s a weekly coffee stop, a walk with the dog, or even a shared TV show you always watch together. These moments create safe spaces for talking — and even if they don’t always open up, you’re still building trust.
Why It Matters
Getting your teen to talk isn’t about prying — it’s about connection. Open communication builds:
- Emotional intelligence: They learn how to name and process feelings.
- Trust: They see you as an ally, not just an authority.
- Confidence: Knowing someone listens helps them feel valued and understood.
- Problem-solving skills: Conversations help them think things through out loud.
Sometimes, “fine” really does mean “fine.” But other times, it’s code for “I’m not sure how to say what I feel yet.” That’s where your patience and gentle persistence matter most.
So the next time you get the infamous “fine,” take a breath, smile, and don’t panic.
You don’t have to dig for answers — just stay curious, stay kind, and keep showing up. Because one day, that same teen who gave you one-word answers will suddenly talk your ear off… and you’ll realise all those quiet car rides and silly questions were worth it.
